Getting your Social Needs met

[jess]

Hello!

I plan to go full time with eBay at some point this year. One of my major concerns is that I will be at home a whole lot more. Currently I run into people regularly as part of my job, but I’m worried that I won’t have my social needs met when I switch to doing eBay full time.

I did eBay full time a while back and I had these issues. I just didn’t have the opportunity to get out and make contact with people when I was eBaying. And let’s keep it real… My number of social outlets locally is like… zero. And that’s my fault. I just don’t feel like I fit in with people very well.

Maybe one of you can relate to what I’m saying. And if you do, do you have any advice you can share on having your social needs met as a full time ebayer?

Thanks for listening,
-Jess

[Old Dad]

Hi Jess,

I hear what you’re saying, I live by myself and feel undersocialized at times (if that’s a word). Even loners get lonely sometimes. I live in a small town of about 1100, which makes it both easier and harder. Easier because I know a lot of people I see around town and rural folks like to stop and chat (blocking the grocery store aisle, etc.). It’s harder because there aren’t always as many groups with common interests.

You can check with the various civic organizations, they seem to always need volunteers and its a good way to feel productive by giving back. For instance the Optimists club here does a lot of beneficial projects in our town. I used to meet with a group of guys for coffee in the morning until the local cafe closed down. That was always fun and keep me up to date on the local “news” (old men gossip as much or more than women do, lol).

What kind of interests do you have? Maybe you can build on those.

Bill

[jess]

Bill,

Thanks so much for your response. Just having someone who understands goes a long way. It makes me feel like I do have a choice and that I can build some connections with others locally.

I also live in a small town of about 5,000 or so. I came here to meet my husband before he was my husband so he was my main connection to this town. The good thing about this place is that they are always working on projects to make things better or to get the town involved in fun events. I have volunteered once or twice so far. I didn’t make any friends during those events, however if I volunteered more regularly, I might start running into the same people.

Thanks for letting me talk things out, I think I needed to. Instead of being worried, I need to be positive about the future. And I need to have faith in myself that I can grow and make connections with others.

-Jess

[Old Dad]

@Jess, You’re welcome. Keep the faith, things will work out. I find small-town folks, while usually friendly, are slow to include new people but they will in a short time with enough contact. I was just thinking of another outlet, my wife really enjoyed her volunteer work at the local hospital and that helped her make a lot of new friends after we moved here. Her situation wasn’t very much different than yours.

[jess]

Bill,

I’m pretty sure that you just described every small town in America! But I think you’re right. If you are out there trying to do good and to help out the community, you’ll probably become known and accepted. As funny as it may sound, I run a Facebook page about the town for fun. It’s based on all the positive, good things going on in the community, plus supporting the local businesses. It’s just my way of letting everyone know what’s going on and to help get people involved. So I do have that link to the community in my own way.

My husband is also well known to several generations of people in the community. He was one of the band directors here and was well loved because of his commitment to the program and his students. So people make an assumption that I am “okay” and must be a decent person because of being his spouse. So I also have his good reputation going for me.

You also mentioned your wife volunteering at the local hospital. I would bet that there are many volunteer positions that need filling if you just go knocking on doors and making contact.

Again, I appreciate your support. It’s making me believe that things will be alright!

-Jess

[Jay]

Old Dad always has solid advice. We’re also in a small town. Once we started showing up to community events and people realized we had time to volunteer, we’ve been put on multiple boards.

Ryanne and I are both on two boards each with various leadership positions. We now have to tell people “no” to other positions because its too much. It is very cool/frustrating to be involved in crafting local government decisions.

Also if you’re in small town, there are always church BBQ’s and other local events. We don’t attend church but go for the socializing. For Thanksgiving, we’re going to the local VFW.

And once you start socializing, you realize that its nice to be at home alone 🙂

[Retro Treasures WV]

One of ya’ll should run for mayor at some point. It’s a good paying part time job!

[Ryanne]

wish i could, but we live in the county, not within the town limits, so we can’t be on town council or be mayor. county board of supervisors is all we could run for and, boy, is that a thankless job.

[jess]

Jay,

Agreed, sounds like Old Dad is the wise, caring man of the community. 🙂

I know you’re probably right. Once people recognize that you are willing to give your time and talents for the community, you’ll probably have more opportunities than you can stand.

We have a Church on every corner here and they are the foundation of things here. Luckily, it doesn’t matter what church you go to. Folks are laid back here.

It’s nice to talk to you and Ryanne after listening to your voices!
-Jess

[IndySales]

It’s worth noting that reselling isn’t inherently an isolating occupation, it just depends on how you decide to run things. Some resellers have close relationships with other small business owners in their area that are mutually beneficial and rewarding on a personal level, too. But that’s not for everyone, and not for me either (lol).

As for being social outside of work, meetup.com is a good place to look. Lots of niche interest groups there and seems to cover a wide age range in my area. Volunteering can be a good outlet also.

As for fitting in, I can relate. I’m in my 20s and find a lot of people my age aren’t necessarily interested in the same things I am, which makes building meaningful relationships difficult in my experience. I guess I’m lucky that I don’t have much drive to be social ATM and am more focused on locking down larger life goals.

[jess]

You are right, Indy. Reselling doesn’t have to be isolating, but sometimes it can feel that way. I think I just need to get into a routine of being involved on a regular basis to make some connections. As we get older it feels like it is more challenging to meet people and make those connections sometimes.

-Jess

[Old Dad]

@IndySales, I’m at the opposite end of the age spectrum, age 70. The same thing though, my peers aren’t interested in the same things.

[almasty]

I find that even when your spouse is your reselling partner, they don’t want to hear you babble on about selling online. Forums like this are a good place to get your additional selling ideas/frustrations/comments out of your system.

There’s this forum, there are a ton of Facebook groups, thousands of resellers on instagram, Ebay forums, the 150k person flipping forum, etc,. You might meet people in your area that also resell through one of these forums that you could thrift with or go out to coffee with, as long as you’re both not looking for the exact same stuff!

Poshmark hosts in-person meet-ups, plus an annual meet-up. Ebay has an annual Ebay Open in Las Vegas where resellers meet up. People use these opportunities as a tax write-off and to be social.

[jess]

Almasty,

I’m a big fan of communities that come together to support one another. It’s also fun to read about what is going on with other sellers.

I’m not too far from some of the cities on the Gulf Coast. I bet one of them has a group that meets up.

I appreciate your thoughts!
-Jess

[Sharyn]

I’ll add that you will need to get inventory on a regular basis. You may prefer Thrift shops, garage sales, estate sales, rummage sales, and/or auctions. Most of the auctions I go to are on weekdays. Sometimes I go just to get out of the house even if I don’t really need more inventory. Most thrift stores are any day of the week. Some estate & garage sales start on a Thursday or Friday.

I tend to go grocery shopping and run other errands during the day, then I end up on the computer doing eBay in the evening. All just to get out of the house.

I’ve thought about going to the library for when I’m just listing, but I’ve never bothered.

The point is that you can get out of the house. Not all eBay work is at home doing photography or listing on the computer. Oh, and you get to know the people who work at the post office.

[jess]

Hi Sharyn!

Sounds like you have a good set of routines established! I do most of my buying and selling online currently. That was one of the reasons I was concerned about not making contact with others.

But I do plan to add on a booth in a physical space at a later date. And I’ll have to be out sourcing some of that at the local sales, thrift stores and auctions. I do enjoy the hunt!

Thanks for your input!
-Jess

[pythonesk]

HI Jess – I feel exactly the same way. Small town life is hard unless you grew up there and know everybody. I’m a northerner transplanted to the south so it’s really hard for me to fit in. I’m not religious but if I was joining a local church and possibly the choir would be a great way to socialize. Seems like most churches are really social clubs anyway. I’ve been taking some local just-for-fun classes like painting, basketry and gardening. That might be an option for you.

[jess]

Hi Pythonesk,

I always feel like a fish out of water in the real world, especially with other women. I just don’t have many of the same interests as them. But the classes sound like a great idea as it would give me something in common with others!

-Jess

[VintageTreasures]

Hi Jess,
I second volunteering as a way of socializing but will add that I have found it helps a lot to have it be recurring: as in every week on the same day at the same time.
I volunteer at the local Humane Society and see the same group of volunteers every week during my shift. It’s hard to make friends on a one off occasion but you can’t help doing so when you see the same people week after week. Plus you all have the common interest of helping out an organization that you all care about.
Sometimes you just click with someone at a one time event but I believe that’s pretty rare. Probably even rarer so for you since you say you feel like a fish out of water with other women.
So I advise that you get out there, volunteer weekly, and make it happen! Good luck!

[jess]

Vintage,

I agree, it sounds like being consistent is the way to go, just as it is with our businesses. Being consistent in the day, time and organization you visit. That’s probably what I need to start meeting and greeting people.

Thanks for your thoughts!
-Jess

[Julie B]

I am not one to socialize. I’ve lived in my current town for 7 years and up until a year ago, I only sort of knew maybe 4 people. But last year I started going to a personal trainer who offers small group classes 3 days a week. I try to never miss a class. As a result, in addition to being physically stronger and healthier, I now know dozens of people. There’s opportunities to hang out or do stuff with gym members outside of the gym if I want to – 5Ks, Christmas party, etc. but 1 hour 3 days a week is enough socialization for me right now.

[jess]

Julie,

That is awesome that you have found a double win/win of getting healthy and seeing the same folks weekly. Plus it sounds like they have fun events for members to attend and socialize at. We actually have a YMCA here that does similar things!

-Jess

[Antique Frog]

Here in the UK there’s the University of the Third Age (U3A)- a friend is a member and takes part in regular weekly walks, there’s talks by scholars, and also informal groups who take part in various activities. She’s a member of “How hard can it be?” who do various things like roller skating, abseiling, canoeing (these are pensioners doing these activities for the first time!)

Within two minutes walk from my house are at least 6 mosques, 4 churches, a synagogue and a Hare Krishna setup. I have to go a bit further for the Quaker, Buddhist, Jain and Hindu meeting places (between 10 and 30 minutes walk). The atheists meet in a pub downtown.

Unfortunately I worship the god Źdźbło, and the nearest (and only) temple is on Rockall.

[Sharyn]

Antique Frog – I never know whether you are joking or not. U3A is an organization that actually seems pretty cool, but Źdźbło seems to translate into “blade of grass” from Polish. Rockall is an uninhabitable island that is considered part of the UK. Hum.

[pythonesk]

Lol, are you Polish?

[Amatino]

Weighing in late on the discussion! 😉

I live in a town of about 750 people. Pretty much my “socializing” is my husband and a couple neighbors once in a while. However, I drive 20 miles to the nearest bigger town (pop. 25,000) for classes. I’ve met more folks and developed more friendships through that weekly class than I have in 4 years in this community. It’s a bit of a pain to drive 20 miles to attend an event with a friend, and they don’t come to visit me that often for the same reason, but I have built up some good friendships. It takes a while, and there are days where, honestly, the 20 mile drive looms over me like the Sword of Damocles (especially in winter!) but it is always, always worth it.

The secret is what class do you take? I tried multiple classes until I found one that fit. I tried Spanish, splatter painting, rug hooking, acrylic painting, Mexican Dominoes, clogging… If you have an Adult Community Center, the classes are usually low-price and very varied. And making it a scheduled item, as in this is something I HAVE to do, and sticking to it, gives you a break from the house, the business, and the stress, plus building up new friends and new skills.

[jess]

Sounds like you have found some of your “tribe” by taking different classes. Those classes sound like fun! And I get the having to drive part. I’m about an hour out from a large city and we visit there pretty regularly to get out of town.

-Jess

[Liz]

I homeschool my son in a semi-rural area. Getting out to meet people takes a concerted effort. When you go to a place like school or an office, you have a built-in social network. You see the same people day in an day out. Friendships develop over time, if for no reason other than you are used to seeing and working with each other regularly.

The most important thing I’ve learned about making friends over the last 6.5 years of homeschooling is that you have to show up to events regularly. It seems like somewhere from 3-6 meetings is the magic number for people to realize you aren’t going to flake out and they can emotionally invest in knowing you. It takes time, and honestly? It feels awkward at first, kind of like a first date. You have to make small talk, it feels artificial, ugh. But by meeting 3, a few of the regulars will remember you and by meeting 6, they’ll be saying “It’s good to see you again!” By meeting 12? You *are* a regular, lol.

It really doesn’t matter what the “meeting” is about. Pick anything that seems interesting and do it consistently for a few months. Yoga, volunteer at the library or animal shelter, join a Meetup.com group, go to game nights at comic book shops, whatever. It just takes persistence.

[jess]

Liz,

I believe you’re right, it’s all about consistency. And when you start investing in the meeting and the other people there, they start investing in you.

Thanks for your feedback! Very useful.
-Jess

[DantheDiner]

I’m 27, and have been doing this full time for about 5 years. The socialization problem is extreme, and I’m planning on getting a regular job again with that as one of the primary drivers. There are all the obvious problems: being alone for too much of the day, not having coworkers. For me, it has driven down my productivity: no hard deadlines, no management to be accountable to, no coworkers to see me work slowly and judge. I finally hired a kid to help me on projects once a week, and I look forward to those few hours all week because of how much we always get done together: well more than twice as efficient as I am on my own.

I would consider this problem seriously. I got a social life once I joined a Crossfit gym and became friends with all the folks there. I’m not sure that I could have been successful without that.

[Jay]

Hey Dan. Having watched that short video of your scavenger life, I was impressed in what you’ve built. A store with 7000 items. Assume you do pretty well.

–What kind of job will you get?
–What will happen to your store?

[Author]

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