12/29/2017 at 2:37 pm #29519
By popular request, the joke thread is back. Feel free to add any jokes you want to share on any day of the week. I’m only committing myself to Fridays.
Disclaimer: these jokes are for giggles. They may not always be politically correct. No specific denigration of any demographic, population group, race or creed is implied or intended. We strive to insult everyone equally! 😉
12/29/2017 at 2:38 pm #29520
I’ve read so many horrible things about eating, drinking and smoking recently that I made a new, firm New Year’s resolution: NO MORE READING!
I was going to start a Procrastinators Club. But then I realized I’d have to reject anyone who actually turned up at the meeting so I decided to put it off again.
Why did my washing machine stop pumping out water? And more importantly, where is my hamster?
Father: “Son, you were adopted.”
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
Don’t you hate it when you come to somebody’s place and they just can’t shut up asking you stupid questions like “what do you want” and “who are you” and “omg is that a real gun?”
Some nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera down by the Washington Monument. I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very generous of them.
I read that mass chicken farms pump chickens full of antibiotics. Well, that would at least explain why chicken soup is so good when you have a cold.
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.
The surprised girl said, “What was that?”
The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”
The girl slapped him soundly.
“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.
12/29/2017 at 3:25 pm #29525
12/31/2017 at 9:09 pm #29589Linda ShieldsParticipant
- Location: St. Louis
Why is the alphabet different at Christmas?
It has No L.
01/05/2018 at 10:31 am #29886
Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A: A desserter.
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day when they pass by a pub.l The first guy says “Let’s go in there for a pint.” Second guy says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs. First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.”
He goes up to the pub and, sure enough the doorman says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.” He replies, “Oh, I’m blind. This is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman lets him in.
The second guys watches and does the same thing. The doorman says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.” He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman responds, “You have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?” The second guy exclaims, “They gave me a chihuahua?”
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in france? There was nothing but des brie
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy
And the last one, in honor of our weather:
What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees
01/19/2018 at 9:54 am #30771
What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
I have a bumper sticker saying, “Honk if you think I’m sexy.” Some days I just stall at a green light until I”m feeling good about myself.
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. Now I understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
I don’t know why men go to bars to meet women. Go to Target! The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they’re already looking for things they don’t need!
One month until Valentine’s Day. Which means one month and one day until I buy myself a whole cart of 75% clearance chocolate.
1. A guy walks into a shop and says: “I’d like a gas cap for my KIA.” The owner thinks for a few seconds and replies: “Ok, that seems like a fair trade.” — 2. How do you tell when a mid-engined Ferrari is warmed up? It’s on fire. — 3. What do you call a VW bus at the top of a hill? A miracle. What do you call two VW buses at the top of a hill? A mirage. — 4. So the guy two ranks below me at work bought a used 3-series. Another guy, about one rank below, bought a newer 3-series. So I go into my boss, explain the details, and believe it justifies a raise. “I’ve worked here twice as long as them, and rank higher. If they’re driving BMWs, I should be driving a Genesis!” My employment record now says “dismissed for poor judgement.” — 5. What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. — 6. What car does a Proctologist drive? A brown Ford Probe. — 7. Did you know CHEVROLET is an acronym? Can Hear Every Valve Rattling On Long Extended Trips — 8. What do you call a newspaper article about a Porsche 911 driver? An obituary.
01/19/2018 at 10:32 am #30774SigiliniParticipant
Sayings of the Jewish Buddha
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.
The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You’ll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.
Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.
Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself. The Buddha says, There is no self. So … maybe we’re off the hook?
01/22/2018 at 6:00 pm #31091
Love these, Sigilini. Can almost hear my Jewish friend saying them! Oy vey! 😀
01/26/2018 at 1:44 pm #31345
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Tornados have sirens to warn them when Chuck Norris is coming
Chuck Norris cuts his scissors, using his hair
Chuck Norris can make lemonade out of apples
Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris’s cell phone rings.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Little Sarah was sitting in the car with her mother when suddenly a huge dildo flew right onto the windshield.
Little Sarah: “What was that?”
Mother: “Uhm… a very big insect.”
Little Sarah: “Damn, it had a really big dick!”
Don’t be so serious. If you cannot laugh at yourself, call me. I’ll laugh at you.
You can learn a lot from your children, especially how much patience you have.
My kids did not really understand the thing about taxes until I ate 33% of their chocolate cake.
- This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Amatino.
02/23/2018 at 1:46 pm #33775
Funny Test Answers From Children – Mainly Science and Health
-When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
-For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
-For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
-For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
-For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat.
-We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
-If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
-There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.
-Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
-A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
-To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
-South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.
-To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
-Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
-Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident.
-Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
-Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
-We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
-Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
-Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
-The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
-Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
-To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
-Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.
-When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.
-It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.
-When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurtin
02/23/2018 at 9:37 pm #33786KatieScottParticipant
The ebay listing said the shoes were made from alligator, but I knew it was a crock.
Always trust a glue salesman, they tend to stick to their word.
The scavenger stopped selling amps on ebay because they didn’t achieve sufficient volume of sales.
Saleman: Would you like to buy a pocket calculator?
Customer: No, I already know how many pockets I have.
Happy Friday Scavengers.
03/02/2018 at 11:38 am #34240
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said,
“I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”
“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.
“That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”
A keen country lad applied for a salesman’s job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, “Have you ever been a salesman before?”
“Yes, I was a salesman in the country” said the lad.
The boss liked the cut of him and said, “You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you when we close up.”
The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o’clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, “How many sales did you make today?”
“One,” said the young salesman.
“One,” blurted the boss, “Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?”
“Three hundred thousand dollars,” said the young man.
“How did you manage that?” asked the flabbergasted boss.
“Well,” said the salesman “this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.”
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, “You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?”
“No,” answered the salesman “He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, ‘Your weekend’s shot, you may as well go fishing.'”
A Telephone Salesman telephoned a household, and a four-year-old boy answered. The conversation went thus:
Salesman: May I speak to your mother?
Boy: She’s not here.
Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?
Boy: My sister.
Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?
Boy: I guess so.
At this point there was a very long silence on the phone. Then:
Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.
Boy: I did. But I can’t get her out of the playpen.
03/09/2018 at 10:01 am #34738
A woman goes to her priest one day and tells him,
“Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired.
They say, ” Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
“That’s obscene!!” the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
“You know”, he said, “I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my place and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and John. My parrots can teach them to praise and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying……that phrase….in no time.”
“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this may very well be the solution.”
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them! After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
“Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
THERE WAS STUNNED SILENCE.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed.
“Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been aswered!!”
From the police blotter, or, what a beat cop deals with every day:
• A deputy responded to a report of a vehicle stopping at mailboxes. It was the mail carrier.
• A woman said her son was attacked by a cat, and the cat would not allow her to take her son to the hospital.
• A resident said someone had entered his home at night and taken five pounds of bacon. Upon further investigation, police discovered his wife had gotten up for a late-night snack.
• A man reported that a squirrel was running in circles on Davis Drive, and he wasn’t sure if it was sick or had been hit by a car. An ?officer responded, and as he drove on the street, he ran over the squirrel.
03/09/2018 at 12:28 pm #34741
03/16/2018 at 2:08 pm #35380
Doctor doctor. I’ve broken out in spots like cherries on a cake.
Sounds like you got analogy
A group of chess enthusiasts got thrown out of a hotel after discussing their winning games.
The hotel manager couldnt stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer
What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
A Spec Tater
A man takes his dog to the vet as he is concerned it has fleas. The vet says
“I’m going to have to put this dog down”
The man is visibly upset and says “What? But why?!”
The vet replies “Because he is too heavy”
I always run, I never walk; I have a mouth, I never talk; I have a bed, I never sleep; I can be shallow, I can be deep. What am I?
03/16/2018 at 4:35 pm #35394
03/16/2018 at 3:11 pm #35386
This is definitely for your weekend downtime, it’s almost half an hour long. But the photos are excellent!
03/16/2018 at 4:33 pm #35393
03/16/2018 at 4:52 pm #35397
03/24/2018 at 5:56 pm #36066
03/24/2018 at 6:01 pm #36067RyanneKeymaster
- Location: Virginia
yes and you should put Emojis and L@@K! in your title
03/24/2018 at 6:13 pm #36069
03/24/2018 at 6:18 pm #36071RyanneKeymaster
- Location: Virginia
IMPORTANT ESTATE FIND L@@K!
03/24/2018 at 6:22 pm #36072
And when I still have 20 characters left in my title I’ll add Nike Hermes Coach Gucci.
10/19/2018 at 9:25 pm #50423
10/20/2018 at 8:19 pm #50433
The new lightbox is soooo popular now that the days are cooler! Every chance she gets…
10/21/2018 at 9:03 am #50448
10/20/2018 at 9:45 pm #50439
We had something similar happen at my house tonight. I sometimes include pictures of the cat with the listing. I used to also include pictures of the cat in powerpoint presentations that I presented to the whole company, at my last job. I’m consistent, if not totally professional.
10/21/2018 at 10:51 am #50453
I love this thread! 😀
10/31/2018 at 3:50 pm #51017
10/31/2018 at 6:21 pm #51021
Half done makes room for somebody to sit IN the box! 😀
10/31/2018 at 7:58 pm #51027
cats and boxes, like peanut butter and jelly
10/31/2018 at 9:49 pm #51032
I think this is the last puzzle I’ll be doing for a while. I keep finding myself working on it rather than listing. I don’t even particularly enjoy doing them but that *need* to have it finished keeps grabbing me.
Maybe, if I find another one that is worth a little bit of money, I’ll hand it off to my brother and ask him to do it. He always seems to have a puzzle going.
11/01/2018 at 11:39 am #51066
I just count the pieces, I don’t actually put the puzzle together. Then I list it as “counted (x) pieces, not compiled to check.” Only once got nailed for one piece missing, and I’m fairly certain it was lost by the buyer as I count twice by putting 100 at a time into little ziplock bags.
11/01/2018 at 2:01 pm #51078
That sounds much saner than my approach. In my defense, I thought it would be nice to have the puzzle out and work on it a little here and there as a distraction. Boy was I wrong.
11/01/2018 at 8:49 pm #51102soniaParticipant
- Location: Northeast US
I decided not to sell puzzles when I discovered that the number of pieces in the puzzle is not always exactly the advertised pretty round number like 500 or 1000. Sometimes it’s a few more than that. So counting doesn’t always work.
11/02/2018 at 9:01 am #51110
LOL. I found that out, Sonia! It was funny, I was really stressed when I had a LOT of extra pieces. Then I did some Google work and discovered they can be off by a margin. So now I count and, as long as there are MORE than the number on the box, I list it as pieces counted. While I love doing jigsaws, I just don’t have the time.
I’ve pretty much given up on them anyway. Unless they’re new in box, they don’t really move that fast.
11/19/2018 at 10:42 pm #52011
11/23/2018 at 8:16 pm #52207
Trying to work on a Friday. These are hockey pants.
11/24/2018 at 10:32 am #52212
A common mistake—they may look to the untrained eye like hockey pants, but they are, in fact, a sleeping bag/fortress of solitude.
11/30/2018 at 12:09 pm #52499
The artwork is tempting, but my personal favorite is the seashell people playing poker. That bowling ball is totally amazing!
12/01/2018 at 6:52 pm #52519ebaymomParticipant
- Location: Ohio
Hey Christine, check out what I got this summer at a garage sale for 50 cents.. it’s the golfing shell people, lol!! I thought this was so wacky I am just waiting for somebody to buy it…
12/03/2018 at 11:29 am #52584
LOL. There’s a lid for every pot. Maybe someone will buy it as a white elephant gift.
11/30/2018 at 12:25 pm #52500
I vote for the tooth clock!
Literally just passed up that fart mug yesterday. Call me crazy
11/30/2018 at 1:28 pm #52502
My husband actually has one of those ski jackets from the 80s except that his is a one-piece head to feet sort of thing. We went skiing maybe 5 or more years ago, and he wore it. He actually got a few positive comments.
11/30/2018 at 1:45 pm #52503InglewoodParticipant
The ski jackets are amazing! Just watched a crazy holiday movie from my youth called “The Dog Who Stopped The War (The Toque War)” which is a dubbed French-Canadian movie and all the kids had crazy jackets like that from the 80’s or worse!
Depending on the brand, I’ve sold a few of them over the years, however, most are a long-tail sell if they aren’t a good brand.
11/30/2018 at 2:02 pm #52504
The bright colored ski jackets, and especially the one piece ski suits, are super popular right now. The brighter, more obnoxious, the better.
12/02/2018 at 3:42 pm #52535
Sold a one-piece women’s one a few weeks ago for $125. Paid $5.99. It was in mint condition, though. Most I find are dirty or torn and I can never get spots out of that kind of material.
12/01/2018 at 2:54 am #52515LizParticipant
I am fascinated by the block of wood with 5,000 coats of paint. Now I kind of want to make one, but I know I lack the dedication to keep that project going for 14 flippin’ years.
12/02/2018 at 12:46 pm #52530
Do it twice a day for 7 years? 😀
12/11/2018 at 12:52 pm #53115
Dude: “Remember that guy that stole your diary? He died!”
Gal: “That’s too bad. My thoughts are with his family.”
Rob: “Are you still lifting balloons to exercise?”
Bob: “Nah, I quit. It wasn’t working out.”
Q: “What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?”
12/11/2018 at 12:54 pm #53116
Patient: “I keep having a dream that I’m a tailpipe. What does it mean?”
Doctor: “You’re exhausted!”
“My wife thinks I’m too nosy.”
“How do you know?”
“She wrote it in her diary?”
“My dad isn’t too impressed with his new stair lift. He says it drives him up the wall!”
12/11/2018 at 1:27 pm #53119
You’re so punny!
12/12/2018 at 10:40 am #53181
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot’s house.
The chicken, idiot!
12/13/2018 at 4:59 pm #53327
12/21/2018 at 5:55 pm #53856
12/22/2018 at 7:29 pm #53879
12/22/2018 at 8:37 pm #53883
We need to invite the treadmill guy to come here LOL—- improvise, adapt, overcome!
12/30/2018 at 10:17 pm #54190
I clicked on an imgur picture in the what sold thread, then ended up scrolling the front page where I found this.
Meeting up with a bird mid skydive. So crazy and cool!
And Granddad with his new kicks. I love seeing little kids wearing their light up sneakers. I bet they are even more awesome on grown ups.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by antarestar.
12/31/2018 at 4:58 am #54197
01/31/2019 at 8:48 am #56218
01/31/2019 at 10:01 am #56222
03/08/2019 at 9:34 am #58347
03/22/2019 at 12:09 pm #59079
03/22/2019 at 12:15 pm #59080
04/27/2019 at 12:59 pm #60890
https://www.ebay.com/itm/223180001368 Oh, I’d love to see the faces of folks who fall for this one when they get to the payment page! 😀
04/27/2019 at 6:28 pm #60891
This should be good!
Clicks on link… I don’t get it… Reads description… something about local pickup and price quotes for shipping… scroll back up… looks at shipping price… !!!!
04/28/2019 at 2:46 pm #60904
LOL. I bought the Uline biodegradable peanuts from Uline, and the shipping was a lot – but not THIS much! It made me laugh, though. This person perhaps thinks they’re not going to pay eBay fees on the shipping charges? Silly rabbit!
05/06/2019 at 1:38 pm #61334
05/10/2019 at 7:03 pm #61648
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
‘Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.’
The pharmacist fainted.
05/10/2019 at 7:04 pm #61649
06/13/2019 at 11:15 am #63401
It’s not Friday, but this is too funny not to share. Anyone have 80s nostalgia?
06/15/2019 at 8:06 pm #63511
In honor of Father’s Day tomorrow, here are some awful Dad jokes!
Why don’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
The P is silent
See that farmer?
A man outstanding in his field
Did you see that documentary about beavers?
What a great dam show
Termite walks into a bar and asks
“Is the bar tender here?”
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
That graveyard is so popular, people are dying to get in!
You know, I was named after Shakespeare?
Yes, my name is Scott, but I was named after Shakespeare.
Happy Father’s Day to all Dads!
07/19/2019 at 8:22 am #65138
07/19/2019 at 10:27 am #65153
Oh, that was brilliant. That is SO what happens on FB. And did you read the comments too? 😀 😀 😀 😀
07/21/2019 at 9:53 pm #65206DaysiParticipant
OfferUp too, unfortunately.
07/26/2019 at 3:04 pm #65455
08/02/2019 at 1:30 pm #65803
I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise, though.
Another wine bottle emptied with no genie at the bottom. I’ll keep trying.
Wife: We can’t curse around the kids any more
Husband: What should I say instead of bull-
Wife (interrupting quickly) Shhhh! Say snake instead
Husband: (whispers) this is snakeshit!
09/01/2019 at 9:22 pm #67220
10/18/2019 at 2:57 pm #69255
10/18/2019 at 3:13 pm #69256
10/18/2019 at 3:14 pm #69257
10/30/2019 at 11:02 am #69783
10/30/2019 at 4:39 pm #69797Antique FrogParticipant
- Location: Leicester
At the ball.
He “You’ll have to excuse me, I’m a little stiff from polo”
She “I don’t care where you’re from- let’s dance!”
My mother made me a neurotic, and if you give her the wool she’ll knit you one too.
10/30/2019 at 5:09 pm #69800Old DadParticipant
- Location: Missouri
A man walks into a bar and says…
11/15/2019 at 2:25 pm #70689
11/17/2019 at 1:58 pm #70727
11/17/2019 at 2:03 pm #70728
11/17/2019 at 5:41 pm #70735
WARNING ABOUT eBAY
Be careful what you buy on eBay.
If you buy stuff online, check out the seller carefully.
A friend has just spent $295, plus postage, on a penis enlarger.
Bastards sent him a magnifying glass.
The only instructions said, “Do not use in sunlight.”
11/29/2019 at 2:36 pm #71175Antique FrogParticipant
- Location: Leicester
(promotional letter sent to a certain big-eared royal person)
To Mr H.R.H. Prince, Charles Buckingham Palace, London
Dear Mr. Prince
Imagine the looks of surprise that Mrs. Prince and the Prince family will have on their faces when you draw up outside the front door of Charles Buckingham Palace in a brand new Smart Car!
01/31/2020 at 3:23 pm #73524
01/31/2020 at 8:20 pm #73532
02/14/2020 at 6:05 pm #73972
02/14/2020 at 6:18 pm #73974
02/14/2020 at 6:22 pm #73976
02/15/2020 at 12:46 pm #73989
02/21/2020 at 6:54 pm #74229
What do you call a zoo with no dogs?
02/21/2020 at 6:54 pm #74230
02/28/2020 at 5:52 pm #74572
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04/17/2020 at 5:45 pm #76368
04/18/2020 at 8:48 am #76381Castle Rock EmporiumParticipant
- Location: Between Boston & Providence
Heard this on the radio the other day discussing pandemic:
Looking for somthing good to read now that I finished NetFlix
04/18/2020 at 1:27 pm #76389
A realistic mask making tutorial:
04/18/2020 at 3:01 pm #76392
That’s hilarious! And I’m planning to make some this weekend; getting out my sewing machine that I haven’t used for about five years. Wish me luck and no bandages!
04/18/2020 at 6:02 pm #76393
The best mask making tutorial yet!
07/03/2020 at 11:55 am #79034
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09/21/2020 at 9:06 am #81738
Monday morning cute just to help you through your week. A fun one for all Mario fans
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